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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866773">Bipolar Bear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten'>RonniRotten</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental prinxiety, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Bipolar Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Bipolar Disorder, Brotherly Love, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders is the mom friend, Depression, Drunkenness, Food, Foreign Language, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Getting Back Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Innuendo, M/M, Mania, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Nudity, Post-Break Up, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Spider Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Unrealistic Intersex Character, Which is kinda surprising, no one is unsympathetic, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:14:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus isn't always as energetic and confident as he seems, and that is the only thing he wants to hide. Especially from Roman. But Janus doesn't have the means to take care of him and his duties to Thomas when he comes crashing down. He gets Roman to help, and inadvertently brings Virgil back into the fray despite their past. It takes a lot of effort to move a mountain, or a sleeping (bi)polar bear.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil &amp; Creativity | Roman &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus &amp; Deceit, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>206</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. magnets in my mattress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <i>The following is a vent fic and damn self indulgent</i>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darkness. It shrouded them all the time, a cover in the shadows. But, for Remus, it pervaded his entire existence. The only thing worse than the darkness was quiet. It was dark and quiet.</p><p>His room was dark and quiet, just like his mind. Everything moved through his head slowly, echoing in his skull. His limbs felt like lead and it was just too much for him to move for no reason. The intrusive thoughts were fewer than usual, and far less outwardly hostile, but they did a good job at cutting through the thoughts he had echoing in his head and attacking him. His heart was a void and his chest was tight with inky darkness that could consume him, and this time he hoped like hell it would. It would be doing everyone a favor.</p><hr/><p>"Has anyone seen Remus?" Roman asked as he rose up in the common area, "Janus isn't telling me."</p><p>Virgil looked up from his phone wearily and shrugged, "Where didn't you check?"</p><p>"Your room and his room. But he's never in his room and I don't want to go into your room without your permission. Patton and Logan gave me permission to rise up and sink out to check in with them, so don't try that angle and avoid my question." Roman answered and crossed his arms, ready for the barrage of insults from the emo on the stairs and the teacher on the couch.</p><p>Patton came in from the kitchen and spoke before they could, "Check his room. But, uh, why are you looking for him? Did something happen?" Roman's face fell, he didn't have an answer for that question, in fact he was as confused as the rest of them. It was a gut feeling, an instinctive pull, he had to check on him. But even that wasn't a reason for the others to know. </p><p>"No, nothing bad. He stole my fifteenth favorite sash." Roman lied, "I intend to get it back before the day is out." Virgil stared at him, studying his posture. He could tell something else was up, but it was big enough for Roman to make a believable lie—Roman only had fourteen sashes that Virgil counted during his many anxious episodes. No one else really cared about his number of sashes. </p><p>"Best of luck," Logan commented from the couch, picking up where he left off in his book, "And remember he only has as much agency over you as you give him." </p><p>"We'll come running if you need us, okay kiddo? No one hurts my princey!" Patton said firmly. Virgil merely saluted lazily before Roman sank out. </p><p>Roman rose up in darkness. He rolled his neck and willed the lights on slowly—eye strain was no joke! That and he was afraid of what Remus had in his room.</p><p>Roman was surprised to find that it mirrored his own room in many ways. Yes there was a shelf of pickling eyes and organs and a weapon rack, and it was organized–organized chaos but it was still more manageable than Roman's mess that littered the floor. What caught him wasn't the neat desk, but the lump of blankets on the bed. </p><p>"Remus?" Roman questioned and approached the bed. The lump shifted, apparently the only response he would get.</p><p>Roman cautiously reached for the edge of the covers and peeled them away slowly so Remus could stop him if he wanted. He didn't. And as more of his brother was revealed, Roman was hit with a foul stench that would have any other side heaving. He was close to it himself.</p><p>"What?" Remus grunted, coming face to face with his brother. His hair was greasy and unkempt. His eyeshadow was gone revealing his eye bags. His face was sunken and pallid. Roman felt a pang in his chest at the sight of Remus in such a state.</p><p>"Can't a prince check in on his brother?" Roman pouted. Remus sighed and closed his eyes.</p><p>"No. But you checked in. Now you can check out." </p><p>"Are you sure?" Roman pressed and sat on the bed beside him.</p><p>"Why would you want to stay? You hate me." Remus grunted, he lacked all conviction and energy in his voice. Roman frowned and carefully placed his hand on Remus' shoulder. Remus didn't indicate that he wanted Roman to move. </p><p>"Hate is a strong word." Roman winced.</p><p>"We're dramatic, it's not." Remus retorted flatly.</p><p>"Did something happen?" </p><p>"Nope. It got quiet and I'm here." He rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket over his nose. Roman huffed and pulled it down again.</p><p>"I don't hate you, no one here hates you. I know we don't always get along but hate?"</p><p>"Wrong-o. You hate me, Patton hates me, Janus hates me, I hate me, and Logan hates me." Remus droned and rolled his eyes. It wasn't worth it to waste energy covering his face again.</p><p>"What about Virgil?—Wait," Roman began only for Remus' words to register, "You hate you?"</p><p>"Yeah? You think you're the only one with self-hatred issues?" Remus scoffed, "At least I have good reasons to hate myself." </p><p>"My reasons are just as valid. But there's reasons why you should like yourself that hold merit." </p><p>"Being unwanted and unwelcome because of something I have no control over, being sick and twisted, mania, scaring and scarring everyone around me, being a specimen to observe, a threat and nuisance to lock away—but don't feel bad you have a great ass and can dance!" Remus droned with just the tiniest touch of venom in his voice. Roman wilted as his brother threw reality at him, albeit not exactly accurate on the positive end. </p><p>"Forget that you're not even an equal to your twin because on the plus side you can take three cocks in your ass!" Remus added sarcastically, "Go bother one of the people you give a shit about and let me rot and rest in peace." He covered his head again and let out a miserable sigh. </p><p>"I'll go for now. But I will be back to make sure you eat." Roman said and sank out, ignoring the huff that he got in response. Roman might not have liked Remus on the best days, but he would be damned if he didn't come to his brother's aid at a time like this.</p><hr/><p>Roman paced in front of his bed, trying to think. He knew there was something more to Remus' condition than he was willing to say, but what was it? The lethargy, the self-loathing, the utter dissolution of joy—there was no hiding them, and Roman was desperate to figure it out. </p><p>"Well, well, well," a cool voice greeted him, "I know you saw the Duke, but I never expected you to be so perturbed." Roman glared at the bed where Janus sat with his legs crossed. His calm facade was in place but crumbling. Roman was ready to strangle him.</p><p>"You!" he snapped and marched up to him, "You kept <em> that </em> hidden from me, from all of us!" </p><p>"Only upon request. Remus didn't want anyone other than Virgil and I to know." Janus explained, "I could've told you <em> absolutely everything </em>. In fact, I should be repressing your memory." </p><p>"Then do it!" Roman growled and clenched his fists, "Hide the truth again you wretched viper!" </p><p>"I don't plan on it. Despite my predisposition, I am telling you the truth that I cannot handle him like this. He makes Virgil look like Peewee Herman," Janus replied with a slight wince. </p><p>"And what do you expect me to do?"</p><p>"Stay silent and ignore the way your twin brother refuses to eat, bathe, or leave his bed," Deceit droned sarcastically and examined his gloves. Roman snarled under his breath as he understood the meaning behind those words. </p><p>"What can I do? I have a million ideas but I don't know what works for him." </p><p>"I suggest food and spending time with him no matter how dismal. And do try to keep from getting outwardly annoyed, he's more sensitive like this." </p><p>"What kind of food?"</p><p>"His favorites of course, and do make sure you get him fed before this evening. You won't want to witness me making him bathe." </p><p>"I'm going to assume that you will be clothed." </p><p>"It all depends on Remus," Janus sighed, "He needs so much more than I can give right now. He needs you, deep down he knows that even though he denies it." </p><p>"I'll think of something."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. oh no here we go again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus did not want to move but he had to pee. His sheets were a mess already, so maybe he could get away with soiling them further. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey," Virgil said, appearing by his bed, stopping him from letting go. He didn't bother responding, knowing full well that the emo meant trouble.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I brought Swedish fish and a dino bath bomb," he continued using that soft voice that made Remus want to at least look at him. He didn't.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus," Virgil sighed, "I know you don't have a lot of energy right now, but I need you to give me permission to help you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, we made a deal before but it helps to know that you trust me." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't want to help me." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you're a mind reader? Joke's on you, I've been brain dead since college," Virgil joked, "C'mon, let's get you a nice bath. I'll carry you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus let out a pitiful whine when Virgil pulled the covers away and exposed him to the elements. Virgil didn't flinch picking up the naked duke and cradled him to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I gotcha, skunkhead," the emo hummed softly and carried him into the bathroom. He was more disgusting than usual but that was expected. Luckily Virgil's soft side was shining through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He entered the bathroom with Remus and immediately set him on the toilet, making sure that if he went, he would make it in the bowl. Virgil looked around and examined his workspace. The sink and cabinet were by the door on his right, the toilet was to his left. The duke had a large bathtub, with jets and room for three people (or a tentacled skunky boi) to fit comfortably, situated on the back wall by the sink. There was a stall shower across from it and a towel caddy loaded up with fresh green terry cloth. It was a bath kind of situation and it would take time to fill the tub.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Virgil left Remus to do his business and turned on the water, setting the hot and cold spicketts perfectly for the duke. Once that was set, he turned to Remus. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you poop?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Remus sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do I have to wipe your ass for you? I'm not qualified for that. You remember last time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Heh," Remus almost laughed and went for the toilet paper. Last time was a mess and Virge had to summon Janus—the resulting pinkeye wasn't as funny as the incident. Virgil gave him some privacy and grabbed the hand soap. The flushing sound had him turn around. Remus was standing and stumbling to the sink. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Two," Remus grumbled and held out his hand. Virgil gave him two pumps of soap and turned on the water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're doing good, Reek. Now let's get your teeth brushed and your stache groomed." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're pushing it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe so, but you've pushed me further."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tushy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Touché?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Whatever."</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>It took a lot to get Remus to clean his face, he was exhausted by the time the water was set and the bath bomb was dissolved. Virgil was patient with him and did his best not to overdo it. But Remus needed to scrub, so he had to do what he had to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No comment?" Virgil pouted and shucked his shirt out the door. Remus stared at him with a dazed expression from his perch on the edge of the tub. Virgil struggled with his jeans but he got them off along with his socks and boxers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Eyeshadow." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, yeah, that's a quick fix," Virgil shrugged and shut the door. He grabbed a makeup wipe from the counter and took care of the eyeshadow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You need anything else or are you all set?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm too tired." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well," Virgil said and threw out the makeup wipe, "it's a good thing I'm going in with you." He climbed into the tub and knelt down near the edge. Remus didn't put up a fight when he got dragged in and situated between Virgil's legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just relax, lean back. I'm right here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's warm. Did you pee in here?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry to disappoint, but no," he responded and grabbed a loofah. Remus scooted closer and his mouth twitched upward for a brief second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Virgil hummed softly as he carefully scrubbed the duke, making sure to get him all cleaned up. Remus melted into the touch, having gone so long without any contact. He closed his eyes and tried to take in the different sensations. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Das Fenster öffnet sich nicht' mehr, Hier drin' ist es voll von dir, und leer…" Virgil sang softly, running the sponge over Remus' torso. Remus sighed and let the emo's low, calm voice wash over him. Yes, they could all sing but something about Virgil's low energy and deep register was especially soothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He melted into Virgil, letting him wash away the grime as he sang. It had been ages since either had listened to Tokio Hotel, and maybe it scratched the inky darkness trying to consume him from the inside out. Remus didn't think he deserved this treatment, but he wasn't going to fight the second most stubborn side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I almost forgot how soft your hair is," Virgil commented and lathered shampoo in Remus' hair. Remus snorted and sank deeper into the bath, not commenting on the fact that they were both naked and Remus was pressed against his front. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I mean it, your hair is soft, Kit," Virgil continued as he massaged Remus' scalp, "definitely something worth running your fingers through." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shut up. I know it's you, Jay." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You really don't think I would come back to help you, meine Sepia?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's been over two years, I broke down and you didn't even check if something was wrong!" Remus snapped, "Why would I bother trying to hope?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You have a good point. I had no idea but that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't there. Give me a chance to make it up to you?" Virgil asked and carefully washed his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why bother?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know why. But if that's not enough, you're still worth the effort." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not and I'm not in the mood to argue." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then relax and let me get you clean," Virgil sighed and started singing again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Roman rose up to find Remus' bed was empty. He thought at first that his brother went to use the toilet but then he heard Virgil's voice and saw the emo's clothes piled by the bathroom door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman set aside his confusion for a moment and tried not to cringe at the idea of the two of them naked together. Remus was getting a bath and nothing more. Surely Roman could return later. After he changed the sheets.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. there's a method to my sadness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Did you eat at all today?" Virgil asked as he dried Remus' hair with a towel. The pair was seated on the duke's bed, on top of the freshly changed sheets. Virgil suspected Janus' work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Remus grumbled, "I don't want anything." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you had something simple like popcorn in front of you, would you pick at it?" Virgil asked and kissed his jaw. He tossed the towel aside while Remus shivered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Remus grumbled and flopped on his side. Virgil pouted and ran his fingers through Remus' mane. Remus needed to eat, but getting him to do that would be a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Would gummy worms and chocolate buttholes pique your interest?" Roman said as he rose up with said treats at the ready. He was mildly surprised to find Virgil petting his brother like a puppy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You sure about that, Pup?" Virgil asked in a tone that threw Roman for a loop. It was soft and loving and nothing like he was used to. Remus grunted and buried his face in his sheets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"C'mon, you know that you don't have to eat it all, but try a bite."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I made them myself, just for you. Please try a little?" Roman added. Virgil smirked at him and nodded, encouraging him to keep going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mixed white chocolate into the molds, I thought you might appreciate the aesthetic." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where did you get a butthole mold?" Virgil asked as Remus tilted his head slightly to look at Roman with one eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, you see, after a night of festivities, you and I were particularly inebriated. You told me to eat your ass for some reason and then you agreed to me making a mold. I'm surprised it worked." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"St. Patrick's Day," Virgil groaned, "I can't believe I did that! I can't believe I thought you were Remus." That got the duke to snicker and blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What!? I understand the green sash but please tell me you're joking! I'm not nearly as bold and daring!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wishful thinking and whiskey. I can usually tell which is which. But the important thing is, you made candy for him, of his favorite snack too." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I also wanted to watch a movie with him but if you two are busy—" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not really, a movie sounds good. You guys can bond and I'll let Jay know he can start cleaning up in here." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Remus whined, "Stay with me." Virgil smiled softly and melted inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't see why that would be a problem. I can share my brother," Roman said. He had a few questions that Virgil had to answer.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Roman never really understood why he pushed Don Bluth movies aside. He was sitting next to Virgil with Remus draped over them. He was full of candy and popcorn and dozing off while <em>the Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure</em> played. It was actually quite entertaining! But Roman had other things on his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Virgil," Roman asked and rubbed his brother's calf soothingly, "is there anything you recommend doing for Remus when he's like this?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Praise and patience. He doesn't have the energy to do most things and he loses it pretty fast. He's trying, even if it doesn't look like it," Virgil answered and ran his fingers through the duke's hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know he is, I can feel it. I want him to feel better and I would do anything for that," Roman sighed and glanced at his dozing twin. He looked like a living corpse  without jaundice or discoloration. How many times did he feel unexpectedly miserable because Remus was like this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's gotta suck to find out now that he's got more going on than intrusive thoughts. I can't speak for him, but I can see why he'd hide it from you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And why is that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because he doesn't want you to worry about him or see him like this," Virgil shrugged and idly brushed some hair from Remus' face, "but I could be wrong." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman fell silent, trying to process that. Remus was usually vibrant and excitable around him, and he was the least likely to fake it. But how much of that time when they were apart was he struggling? Remus was the last person he expected to have any depression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Virgil," Roman peeped, getting his attention, "I know it's not my place to ask, but you and Remus—?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We were together up until I got accepted by Thomas. The break up could have been worse." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would have never guessed that you would date him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, he's wild and gross and he knows how to get to me, but he's fun, friendly, and he cares about the people who matter to him. I feel horrible for leaving him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You want him back?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course, but I know that can't happen, not yet. He needs time to heal or time to find someone better than me—I left him all alone, the worst possible thing." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The worst possible thing?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's lonely, always has been. We were lonely together but not alone. For all the hell he's raised, he still deserves better than what he gets." A silence fell between them, only cut by Remus' breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Virgil, I'm a horrible brother, and I want to change that," Roman sighed and turned off the movie, "How should I start?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You already started," Virgil hummed and carefully pulled the sleeping dukey further on his lap, "But your next step should be talking with him. When he's not asleep. Let's get him to his room." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roman nodded and sank out, letting Virgil carry Remus to his room. He rose up to find Janus tucking a feather duster under his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I finished cleaning up if you're ready to bring him back." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't look different."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus keeps his room organized. All I do is dust and sweep, maybe even polish a few things if I have the time. He likes it clean and orderly outside, unlike the mess in his head. When he's like this letting this place get messy will only make his mood worse." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And that's all the care you give him?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. I don't bathe him or cook for him or sit with him for hours on end," Janus replied sarcastically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you for that." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's part of the job," Janus smirked and bowed. He vanished with a tip of his hat. And then Virgil came through the door with Remus in his arms. He was careful to set him on his bed, safe and sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If he needs anything from me, summon me. I gotta go act as a test dummy for Patton. He's baking again," Virgil sighed and shook his head. Roman nodded and waved him off as he sank out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmm, Princey?" Remus grumbled and blinked away the sleep from his eyes, "Was it a dream?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Was what a dream?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Emoraptor—did I dream he was here?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Roman answered and sat next to him, "Virgil was really here, but he had to go for a bit." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"To his new friends." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I asked him to give us some privacy. Brotherly bonding time," Roman lied flawlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Will he come back?" Remus asked and pouted. Roman sighed and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Once I finish here I'll call him back." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, good. I miss him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"After all this time?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I said 'miss' not 'love,' Birdbrain!" Remus scoffed and stared at the wall, "but yeah. I was planning on the perfect proposal and then—fuck. This is icky." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then perhaps you could tell me about your latest creations, or something you might want to do tomorrow besides fade into oblivion because I promise you I will pull you back, even if it means you lose a limb." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm tired. No new stuff. I just wanna sleep and cuddle," Remus sighed, "But even that's too much to ask." Roman frowned and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You really aren't okay," Roman said sadly, "and dammit tomorrow I have just the thing to get you out of this room, you'll like it, I promise." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Last time you promised me anything, you promised to cut off my head and disembowel me," Remus huffed, "And I still have my guts." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What makes you think it's not going to be a set up where I follow through on that promise?" Roman teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's not as satisfying if you don't kick my ass first." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you wonder why you still have your guts!" the prince scoffed, getting a snicker out of Remus. Roman hugged him awkwardly and stood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Unless you need anything from me, I'll get Virgil back here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"More chocolate tomorrow?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That is something I can do for you, little prince. Sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite without permission," Roman said and sank out. Remus offered him a little smile before groaning at the ache in his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. til i fall off the deep end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <i>there are no extra translations since 90% are the same phrase and the rest are repeated later in English.</i>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus snuggled up to Virgil, letting the emo hold him to his chest. Virgil closed his eyes and listened to Remus breathing, happy that he still was. Remus wasn't at peace, but he was safe. He had the duke's arms pinned so that he wouldn't claw himself because of bad dreams and his legs encircled Remus' just in case. He had already had to keep the duke's claws at bay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed this, the cuddling at least, and he couldn't help it if he was filled with a bitter regret. Virgil tried to keep from getting teary-eyed, simply reveling in the present, but he failed and held Remus closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I should've been there for you. I should have never hurt you. I'm sorry," he mumbled into the duke's hair, thinking that no one was awake to hear him. This wasn't the time to bring up the past or get wrapped up in his own feelings. Remus needed support, not a whirlwind of old feelings that he might not even want.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Scare Bear," Remus grumbled and wiggled in his grasp. Virgil loosened his grip and let Remus roll over to face him. Even in the dark he could see the tears running down his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you okay?" he asked and weakly wiped Virgil's eyes. Virgil snorted and shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not the one who can't get out of bed here, the focus is on you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you're upset. And if you're upset, then that means something had to happen, and you spent the day with me, so I'm the only thing that could make you upset," Remus mumbled, "I know you don't want me around, no one does, but I don't wanna make you cry too." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I missed you, Pup, and maybe I'm crying because I'm the jackass who left you all alone and now it's hitting me that I fucked up," Virgil huffed and averted his gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't hate me—but dammit I wish you did," Remus said with no real energy to his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't hate you, you're too important to me. Maybe I'm being stupid and crying like a bitch for no good reason. Maybe I'm just crying like a bitch because I didn't do anything to help you before and I ruined the best thing I had because I was stupid." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can do better," Remus grumbled and buried his face in Virgil's chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Better than you? I doubt it. Princey is—Princey, and not better than you. Logan is emotionally unstable and kind of a dick, but not the kind you'd like. Patton is sweet and kind but stubborn and he doesn't really get me, and Janus? We butt heads too much for it to work like that." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about Orange?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Rule number one of fashion—purple and orange don't mix. Green and purple on the other hand—well, " </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But all I do is cause trouble and stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I'm a mess and the only side Thomas doesn't want or need. I'm useless and I shouldn't exist," Remus huffed and rolled over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But get this, you do. And I kinda like it that way," Virgil countered and kissed the top of his head, "Hell, I would tell you just how much I like it that way if I didn't think you were too fragile to hear it." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shut up and hold me so I can pretend you still love me like back then. It's the only thing I can do," Remus scoffed bitterly and fought back the urge to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't have to pretend," Virgil mumbled, unsure if he was pushing a limit and making things weird or worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How else am I supposed to fall asleep in your arms like this? I need that false hope to deal with this." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Depression makes you kinda dumb," Virgil snickered and kissed his shoulder, "I'll be right here when you figure it out. And when you believe that it's not just false hope." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I might like a good dicking but don't fuck with my head or the cold abyss in my chest cavity. I still love you and this is killing me as much as it's helping." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Schatzi," Virgil grumbled into his shoulder and tightened his grip, "liebe ich dich." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean I love dick too, that's nothing new!" Remus giggled awkwardly. He understood perfectly and didn't quite know how to respond, but he wanted to keep Virgil close and feel his breath against his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you need to hear it in another language, Pup?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe but now all I want is sleep." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then you should sleep, I have no problem repeating myself later." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You might have to," Remus sighed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Eu amo-te," he purred as Remus snuggled into him, "Jeg elsker dig. Maite zaitut." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did you learn all that?" Remus yawned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wanted to find the weirdest sounding one to try and get you back someday. Too bad they all sound pretty or normal. Rwy'n dy garu di." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Keep talking like that. I might have a wet dream for the first time in a while."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gráim thú. Mahal kita. Te amo. Miluji tě," Virgil droned and cuddled closer to his duke, "Mən səni sevirəm. Ti tengu caru. Rakastan sinua. Je t'aime. Szeretlek." He ran his fingers through Remus' hair and smiled softly as the duke's breathing slowed. He leaned in closer to whisper in his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ti amo. Ja ciabie kachaju. Quérote. Ech hunn dech gär. Tha gaol agam ort. Nakupenda," he continued slowly, dozing off himself. He was content and he was going to keep Remus safe from his bad dreams.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Aš tave myliu. Mwen renmen ou. Yes sirum yem k’ez. Ndiyakuthanda. Jeg elsker deg. Ich habe dich so lieb wie der Himmel die Sonne und die Sterne liebt. Süße Träume, Kuschelsepi." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only response he got was snoring. He smiled to himself and let his eyes close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I love you, Remus, like the sky loves the sun and the stars. Sweet dreams, Cuddlefish." </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. i wished on every star in every constellation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus woke up in the afternoon, more rested than he had been in ages. He didn't move from his spot, too warm and cozy to be all alone. He sighed and snuggled into the body behind him, happy to have some weight draped over his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Morning," Virgil hummed and pressed his lips to Remus' jaw. Remus shivered at the contact and his voice, deep with sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Was last night real?" Remus asked, not getting his hopes up. Virgil snickered and kissed him again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, and I hope you meant it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I did—I do." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me too," Virgil yawned and kissed his shoulder, "We can talk about it later, when you're out of this funk and I'm not a complete sap. I mean we're both different now." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm pretty much the same, you just got a little bit more grumpy. Didn't any of the others suck your dick?" Remus questioned without his usual luster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Princey almost did, St. Patrick's Day, when he made a mold of my asshole. In my defense he was wearing green and I was hammered. I realized that I like getting warm silicone poured on my butt and then I realized that he wasn't you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know if I should be flattered that you were thinking of me or offended that you almost boned my brother." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Flattered. He thought I was Patton, because someone just had to go and get drunk beforehand and then steal my look." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ew."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. And now Patton is with Logan and Ro is bummed. He should get a pet dog or something." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He should. He needs the attention." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right now, I think you need more attention." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ooh, gonna fuck me right here right now all slow and sappy?" Remus droned. He liked the idea but he was just too darn tired to get it up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nah, not unless you really want me to. I was thinking breakfast in bed and dark web YouTube videos while I braid your hair, at least until Princey whisks you away for a while." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'd like that. Chocolate chip pancakes with bananas and whipped cream?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can arrange that," Virgil hummed and reached behind him to grab his phone. Janus was waiting for a text from him. The man could whip up anything better than he could. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jay's got the food covered," Virge hummed and wrapped his arm and the sheets around Remus, "and I got you covered." He kissed Remus' cheek, snickering at how his face scrunched up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know you can tell me to stop that at any time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't stop. Please. Your lips feel nice." Remus half-whined. Virgil hummed and pressed his lips to Remus' jaw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're gonna be all chapped and gross by the time I'm done with you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know that isn't a threat."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a promise. But let's make it interesting. Every time you say something bad about yourself I'll stop until you take it back. Every time you say something good about yourself I'll kiss wherever you want me to—and yes, I mean anywhere." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Even my dick?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Save dessert for after breakfast, but yeah, if you want me to I will. If you want more than that you'll have to convince me," Virgil teased and gently pressed his lips to Remus' neck, slowly descending to his shoulder with as much care as he mustered the day before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think I can do that right now, I'm not myself. But that's okay." Remus sighed, nearly melting with each kiss, "Myself is pretty terrible." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Puppy," Virgil pouted and stopped kissing him, "you know that's not true. I wouldn't be here in the buff if you were." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You have a point," Remus pouted and rolled over to face him. Virgil went for his collar bone and fought back his smile to make sure Remus got a full kiss each time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you naked?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Skin to skin contact. You need a lot of it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Heh, sorry you had to do that for me. I wouldn't do that for me." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus," Virgil chided and pulled him to his chest, "You're clean and even if you weren't, It's not like I would let grime stop me." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. I know you don't like all things fun and nudey. Insecurities and stuff. The envelope I keep pushing." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You </span>
  <em>
    <span>suggested</span>
  </em>
  <span> it before you passed out. I chose to do this. There's no reason to feel bad for me. I made this choice and I want to make sure you're doing better one step at a time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I still feel bad. I have a couple good sides who want me to feel better and want to help me! And I know I can get there back to the wily duke but I'm stuck! I hate being stuck and miserable and exhausted and wanting to fade away and—and being so close to—to—" Remus broke down and hid his face in Virgil's chest. He shuddered as sobs wracked his body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I gotcha, Remus," Virgil breathed and held Remus tighter, stroking his hair to soothe him. He hated seeing Remus like this but he needed this cry. He did the one thing that could soothe him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This world will never be what I expected. And if I don't belong, who would've guessed it? I will not leave alone everything that I own to make you feel like it's not too late. It's never too late." he sang softly as Remus let out a build up of horrible feelings.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus clung to him and cried harder. He adored the emo's voice and he wanted to believe him. He wanted so badly to believe that he would stop feeling like a conscious corpse. That the others really wanted him around. That he was worth something. That he wasn't just the bad guy to them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No one will ever see, this side reflected," Virge continued and closed his eyes, "and if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it? And I have left alone everything that I own to make you feel like it's not too late. It's never too late." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He paused and kissed Remus' hair. The poor thing shook in his arms as an ocean of anguish crashed in waves and out his eyes. The storm inside Remus' head was violent and familiar. Virgil had nothing but sympathy for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm right here with you Ree, you'll be protected. And you held on so long, I should have guessed it. You're withered to the bone, please let me lead you home. I'll make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't—don't add a verse!" Remus cried, "I'll just cry until I can only cry blood if you keep it up!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry, I'll just hum for now. It's gonna be okay. You'll see," Virgil said and kissed his head. He let Remus cry in peace, keeping him safe. That's all he could do. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. i wish my inner thoughts were dinner conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janus rose up to find Virgil in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, lounging on top of the bed with Remus curled up to him. The duke was asleep and his face was blotchy and tear-stained. </p><p>"Should I come back later?" Janus asked and glanced at the tray in his hands. The pancakes could wait until Remus was awake. Virgil shook his head and carefully got up. </p><p>"Thanks Jay. How's Thomas?" he asked as if they never had any bad blood and took the food from him, noting the two cups of black magic next to the stack of three flapjacks with chocolate chips and whipped cream. He was also struck by the glass of milk with a straw sitting by a medicine cup with a few pills inside. Remus went on medication since he left.</p><p>"Patton and Logan are at it again, both of them are trying to get Thomas to do more than he can handle. He's going to burn out at this rate, if Remus isn't a sign that he's already running on empty." </p><p>"Remus is getting better." </p><p>"So it seems," Janus mused, "All thanks to his <em>Scare Bear</em>." </p><p>"Give Roman some credit," Virgil huffed and rolled his eyes. </p><p>"I will, when he can hear the praise himself, not that he believes me. Until then, answer me this: are you going to abandon Remus once he returns to his usual self?" </p><p>"No." Virgil didn't bother lying. That made Janus relax somewhat.</p><p>"Then I'll stop hiding his episodes from you. We couldn't have you swooping in and leaving again without so much as a postcard." </p><p>"You hid this from me?" </p><p>"You sound surprised! I kept you from coming and leaving again and breaking his slimy black heart each time. It's nothing personal, just what was best for him. Imagine my surprise when Roman told me you were bathing him after you told me you were merely checking on him."</p><p>"What the hell are you implying?" </p><p>"Simply, you hated us and wanted nothing to do with us. And now you're running to <em> your </em> prince like a knight in clouded armor just like you did before." </p><p>"The duke—"</p><p>"Prefers 'duke' to 'dark prince.'" Janus cut him off, "I didn't expect you to come to his rescue, especially since I had his depression hidden from you. I only have one more question before I go and try to get those bespectacled bobolynes to loosen their grips again." </p><p>"Hold it abydocomist. Why did you let Roman know when he has no clue how to handle the situation?" Virgil questioned. </p><p>"I explained why I hid it from you already, and why I didn't contact you, so I went to the next best person to help him. Roman needs his brother, and Remus needs his. I've been offering advice since, as you can imagine, I have quite a bit to handle at present." </p><p>"Ask your question," Virgil huffed, offended but he could see Janus' point. That made it sting more.</p><p>"Do you love him with as much passion as before?"</p><p>"No," Virgil answered flatly, and he wasn't lying. Janus shook his head and stared through him, wishing it were a lie. </p><p>"I see, in that case—" Janus said, reaching for the tray.</p><p>"Try and tear me from him and you'll be as limbless as your friends," Virgil bristled, "I didn't appreciate what I had back then, and I am going to cherish the shit out of what I can get now." </p><p>"What are <em> you </em> implying, Virgil?" </p><p>"That maybe I was an emotionally repressed tool who didn't know how to handle feelings before and the medication is helping me with that." </p><p>"Be straight with me here—and spare me any quips—are you saying you love him more or less than before?"</p><p>"More," Virgil answered with an embarrassed blush.</p><p>"Then by all means, make sure he takes <em>his</em> medicine and bring back the spark in my rabid little opossum," Janus hummed and smiled genuinely.</p><p>"Sure thing, Mom," Virgil scoffed and rolled his eyes. Janus smirked and tipped his hat. He vanished to work on the larger problem and Virgil went to the bed again.</p><p>"Remus..."</p><p>"Puppy..." </p><p>"Sepi..."</p><p>Remus blinked and saw Virgil holding the tray. His lips twitched upward and he forced himself to sit up. It was a lot.</p><p>"Jay came by." </p><p>"Yeah, he's working on fixing the outer stuff," Virgil said and set the tray over his lap, "But you know that he'll come if you summon him." </p><p>"He made the pancakes and he made them happy faces," Remus commented flatly, "He only does that when he's super busy." </p><p>"He's doing a lot for his rabid little opossum. But you know he'll drop everything if you summon him," Virgil shrugged and picked up the extra cup of coffee Janus made for him, a triple shot of espresso.</p><p>"I don't wanna summon him. He does too much as is," Remus grumbled and stared at his breakfast. </p><p>Virgil knocked back his drink in one go and studied Remus for a moment. Remus was staring at his food longingly but he wasn't moving. </p><p>"Did you want help with that?" Virgil asked, already reaching for the fork. Remus hummed wearily.</p><p>"They look good and I want to eat them. But I just—" he trailed off as frustrated tears brimmed in his eyes. </p><p>"Remus, it's okay. You're not doing so great, but you're trying, and that's what counts right now. You're okay, and it's okay if you want help." </p><p>"I need it," Remus said and deflated. He didn't <em> want </em> to be so useless. He could feed himself! He could make sure he ate! He just wasn't doing it!</p><p>"Hey," Virgil said and held up the fork, "Baby steps. You want to eat, you have the will and capability to chew and swallow. That's a step in the right direction." </p><p>"Chewing?"</p><p>"I have no problem playing mama bird if I have to. These are pretty soft and easy to chew, not much work, but you better believe I will kiss you and push a wad of glutenous spit in your mouth if it means you'll eat." </p><p>"Hot, but I'll take it from the fork," Remus said with a half-smile. He opened his mouth and let Virgil stick the fork in his mouth. The sweet chocolate chip pancakes and whipped cream hit his tongue and pulled the tiniest happy moan from his throat.</p><p>"I'll let Janus know you like them," Virgil hummed and got another forkful ready. Remus swallowed and nodded.</p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>"No problem. Did you want me to pull up a dark web playlist?" </p><p>"Ask a Mortician?" </p><p>"You got it," Virgil said and kissed his forehead before feeding him another forkful of breakfast, "And take your meds unless you need some help with that." </p><p>Remus huffed and took his medicine, drinking all the milk through the straw. Virgil set up his laptop and kissed his cheek. </p><p>"Good job, Cuddlefish. You still need help with the food?" </p><p>"Yeah," Remus pouted, "probably. Pills are easier than eating." He watched Virgil log on to his computer and his heart leapt in his chest. The emo kept the wallpaper he made. </p><p>"What about you, Count Snackula?" </p><p>"I had a sandwich earlier," Virgil shrugged and played the first video on the channel's uploads playlist, "But if you want me to eat with you I can summon something light. It might cut into the cuddling but that's your call, Pup. I'm okay with whatever you want right now." </p><p>"I could go for some barebones cuddles if that's an option." </p><p>"After you finish eating, you got it, Skunkhead." Virgil hummed and got another forkful ready for him. Remus offered a weak smile and accepted the food. He felt guilty about the whole situation, but having Virgil at his kindest made that guilt dissipate.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. my mirror's the only one to see my tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Remus was summoned to Roman's room, he was not ready. Roman's room was a disaster of fairytale aesthetic and half-finished projects. At least the bed he appeared on was comfortable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There you are!" Roman cheered, "How are you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Dead inside." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"At least you're honest," Roman sighed, "but I was wondering if you had any energy to go to the imagination with me. Millie and I got together and we did something incredible just for you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not up for that." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then lay down. I planned for this!" Roman said triumphantly and flopped on his bed next to his brother. With a wave of his hand an image of the dragon witch's castle came into view. Remus got settled and pouted. What did Roman do? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Millie, we're going with plan b!" Roman half sang. To Remus' surprise, the dragon witch appeared in a puff of smoke, sporting a Morticia Adams style dress and a fancier witch hat with holes for her horns. She was even wearing makeup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thanks, Princey," she said, "I don't know about you but I'm excited for the show today. Straight–or not so straight–from the border I am pleased to welcome you, Prince Remus, to the Creation Couture 20XX Showcase." Remus blinked and glanced at Roman. He didn't, did he? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman waved his hand again and changed the scene to the main hall of her castle. The dragon witch was ready and standing in front of a long catwalk with purple and green floor lights. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"First up, is the classic Remus line, a novel array of creations who are set to set the stage," she motioned to the stage and fell out of view. Remus was terrified. At least at first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Stepping onto the runway is Shaylectric! Cute kid!" she cheered as a boy walked out from behind the curtain shyly. He was scorched from head to toe with smoke coming off him. Every few steps he jolted and bright yellow electrical bolts surrounded him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"One of the first all-Remus creations to be featured on Sanders Sides, Shaylectric is working that classic playground look with a shocking spiked do. He might not be the most intricate creation but he's got spark and a certain charm that has helped Prince Roman with his own line." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That drawing was on Sanders Sides?" Remus squeaked. Roman grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We couldn't give you proper credit, so we left it up to Thomas." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh," Remus mumbled to himself as the first creation walked off the stage. The dragon witch was already with a new set of puns. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And here she comes, the scourge of the Netherland, the ghost with the most, Dutchy the Baking Pirate!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus groaned and hid his face in his hands as a sweet little old lady with a pirate beard floated down the catwalk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Dutchy might have been partly inspired by a cartoon, but don't discredit her antics! She's a transitional idea formed from two existing concepts, and like her bread, she rises to the occasion. Heroes and villains alike adore her and her elderly farts, and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here. You go granny!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Dutch oven and the Flying Dutchman, that was a clever combination. Dutchy inspired me quite a bit, you know," Roman said as he coaxed Remus' hands from his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was such a bad idea! And then she evolved into something too big to get rid of!" Remus groaned, "I love her to pieces but ugh! Young me was even stupider."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Millie, cut to the next set," Roman said quickly. The dragon witch pouted and shook her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The last but certainly not least of the classic line is three times the creature I am. Loyal, loving, and loud, give it up for Winary!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus' eyes went wide as his favorite three-headed hellhound trotted down the catwalk, brushed and bathed, with three distinct bedazzled collars. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Winifred is here front and center, showcasing an emerald collar with cursed emeralds, and she looks like a queen!" the dragon witch cheered as the middle head preened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"To her right, Mary, bloody Mary, has her own scarlet fever going, complete with blood rubies! And doesn't she look fantastic!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Winary," Remus breathed as his eyes welled with tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And third time's the charm, Sarah is an alluring dog of mystery, sporting a purple ribbon encrusted with amethysts and emo tears! Give it up for this beautiful pup! Call her any time and she'll show up! That's right Prince Remus, call her any time for a cuddle!" the dragon witch cheered, already tiring of being an announcer. At the mention of Remus' name, the puppo was sniffing and looking around for him. Remus couldn't take it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Millie, intermission," Roman gasped as Remus curled on his side and wept. He banished the portal and sat up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can't take care of me, how am I supposed to take care of Winary?" he sobbed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Millie and I do our part, and she's a very self-sufficient dog. What she needs from you is a good cuddle and you to get better. And that will take time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me, me, me! I sound like a pathetic version of you!" Remus whined, "I'm not the ego. I'm being selfish and it's not even worth it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not worth it?" Roman gasped, fully offended, "Little Prince, you are worth it! Look at what you do—what an inspiration you are! You may be completely vulgar and boisterous, but you are my brother and important to me. Doesn't that worth count for something?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Roman, I don't deserve—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"—to doubt your worth like this or feel so horrible. You are so much more than the scraps, more than Creativity, and more than just a half." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know you hate me as much as I do! Stop acting like you care! Janus is supposed to be the liar! Patton is a liar! Why are you faking any of this?" Remus snapped and hid his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not fake!" Roman argued, "And you should know that I wouldn't go to all of the trouble of wrangling your creations to showcase them as the gems they are, albeit scary, gross, or gruesome. If I didn't mean it I wouldn't have gotten </span>
  <em>
    <span>Millie</span>
  </em>
  <span> to help me! Remus we don't always like each other, but you are my twin brother, I love you and there's nothing you can do to change my mind." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You'd be better off without me making a mess! Why don't you just let me rot? I'm nothing like you or the side who made those things! I can't even work up the energy to get to the void and save you all some suffering!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't want to be spared! I would take a million whacks to the noggin before I even consider wanting you gone forever. You're an amazing side and I want you to see it again. You're everything I don't want to be but I need you around. More importantly I want you around." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But you shouldn't!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Too bad! I do! Now stop talking bad about my brother! That's my job!" Roman snapped and pulled him into a hug. Remus clung to him and sobbed. He had a lot to work on.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. im drowning and i can't come up for air</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Janus sat on Remus' bed, waiting for him to get back from Roman's. Virgil was off taking a little time for himself, as ordered. There was no sense in stressing out Anxiety and it was likely that he would have a lot to deal with because of the increasing demands on Thomas by the fleshy robot and the martyr. Janus was certainly frustrated with those two. He honestly debated whether or not to keep hiding Remus' issues. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where's Virgil?" Remus greeted when he appeared with Roman. Janus smiled at the pair and crossed his legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's taking some time to take care of himself. Not to worry, he'll be back." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What did you do to him?" Roman snarled as he helped Remus to his bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why, nothing, and I resent the question. Honestly Roman, I've never physically harmed another side with intent in my life." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A likely story!" Roman scoffed and set a box of chocolates on Remus' nightstand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He hasn't. He's a slimy snake boy but he doesn't have the guts," Remus huffed and flopped on the bed with a thud, "If you want to fight, get out." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You heard him, Roman, no fighting the slippery snake," Janus jeered and blew a kiss. Roman scoffed and rolled his shoulders, more embarrassed than flustered, sinking out without his usual fanfare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You really know how to rope 'em in," Remus grumbled and rolled on his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Roman is fun to tease, you know that. It's not like it means anything to him," Janus pouted and scooted closer to Remus, "and I didn't stop by to make him squirm." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus blew a lame raspberry and flopped on his back. Janus sighed and ran his fingers through Remus' mane. He melted into the contact like a touch starved puppy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I brought </span>
  <em>
    <span>Arsenic and Old Lace</span>
  </em>
  <span> and mud masks. Does that sound agreeable?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good," Janus hummed and scooted back so he could lay Remus' head on his lap, which was a challenge when Remus was dead weight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry for being so difficult."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Darling, you have no reason to apologize, you're having a tough time, now if you weren't receptive to any of the help you've been offered, then you might have a reason," Janus said and summoned a jar of green goo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But I need so much help with stupid stuff," Remus pouted. He winced when the cool goo touched his cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't call those things stupid when you helped Virgil deal with similar issues, even if his case wasn't as extreme as yours." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thomas needs Virgil. Virgil doesn't have intrusive thoughts that keep screaming at him." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That you know of. Besides, you said it yourself, those thoughts are just like YouTube trolls—annoying and disturbing but hardly a reflection of your core." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I said that when I was thinking about fucking a crocodile and eating it's jawbone. Right now it's different," Remus countered, noticing that Janus switched his gloves to smear the cool mask on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, but doesn't that concept still apply?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why would it? My mind keeps saying I'm better off dead and I'm useless and worthless and despised by everyone and I don't deserve any pity. I've had so many ideas, Jay." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And no drive to fight them or follow through." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"All I have is this screaming and then the whispers. 'You're nothing but a menace!' 'You shouldn't exist!' 'The void isn't too far away…' 'If you were smart you would rip your heart out and tear your body to shreds!' It's tiring to fight back after a while."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And yet, here you are, fighting back with more valor and dedication than the bravest knight. You are a fighter Remus, even if it feels like you're losing, you're not. And I am so proud of you," Janus said and banished his disposable glove. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jay, you're gonna make me cry if you talk like that!" Remus whined as his eyes watered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I should save the p word for a time when you don't have a mask," Janus hummed, "And I will. For now, let's watch a movie about a man who rejects one aspect of society only to fall victim to another and his own inability to cope with the taboo." He conjured a projection on the ceiling and let the opening credits roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You remind me of Aunt Martha," Remus giggled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How, my dearest Teddy? I always felt more like Aunt Abby." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's quiet, always watching and taking care of her nephews and sister, supportive, and she doesn't really do the dirty work," Remus shrugged, "Patton's more like Abby. She's bubbly and sweet and thoughtful, and she'll kill you with a smile." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Weaponized smiles? That is an oddly fitting choice for Patton."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh, yeah, you're quick, Jay! I didn't even think about it that way," Remus pouted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, that's because you're at a slow point. You're not your best but that doesn't mean you're not doing well. You're speaking to me in full sentences which is a good sign."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're right. I just feel as pointless as Elaine. Just a plot device that could be cut from the plot."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And how do you feel about Teddy?" Janus asked, hoping to derail that train of thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can dig his schtick. He's so vibrant and chaotic, I miss being like that." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know, but we're going to get you back to your old self soon," Janus sighed and ran his fingers through Remus' mane, "Back to Teddy, not the doctor and not Johnathan and certainly not Elaine." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I hope so. Virgil has that Frankenstein guy role covered. And I don't want to be Mortimer." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think you should aspire to be Remus. No matter what his mind says, he is a witty, charming side who is far more than what he expects and I for one adore having him as a confidant." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want me to cry?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not until your mask is gone, and then only if it helps."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can we cuddle too?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes," Janus said with a warm smile, "All the cuddles you want, little prince."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. i've tried every medication</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Virgil didn't return until the middle of the night. And then he couldn't spend the day with Remus. In his defense, he was busy. Thomas was stressed out of his mind and he had to kick in eventually, not to any extreme degree thanks to the anxiety medication, but he had his job. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus?" Virgil said and sat next to his sleeping form. The duke was still a shell of himself but he wasn't covered in his own fluids or dehydrated, and the dark circles were receding. It was far from ideal, but he was improving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus, I need you to wake up," Virgil cooed and carefully nudged his shoulder. Remus grunted and blinked away the sleep from his eyes. It was nice to wake up to that face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Virgil?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, sorry about last night, I passed out in my room after I had to handle Thomas. But I'm here now and it's time for you to get a bath." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can you—nevermind, it's a lot to ask."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want me to go in with you?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Kinda but I don't need you to do that, just staying with me is more than enough." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't have a problem soaking in the tub and washing you. I might even like it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you implying something, Scare Bear?" Remus jeered. Virgil gave him a once over and shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I mean I like being able to soak and hold you, that's why I've gone in with you every time. Not that what you're thinking is bad." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You can read my mind now?" Remus pouted. So what if he was thinking about Virgil taking him in the tub all soft and sensual, whispering all the painful and arousing things he would want to do with him? He wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind for that to actually happen, he knew that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not exactly. But it shows," Virgil winced and averted his gaze. Remus paused and slowly glanced down. There was no way—</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Holy fuck! That hasn't happened in weeks!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you want to take care of that?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It'll fade." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'That's a sure fire way to get some endorphins without going </span>
  <em>Wet Goddess</em>
  <span> on a dolphin.' Your exact words. It might help you feel better, if you're up for it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I haven't had the drive to jack off for weeks and I don't want to go any further like this." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you want, I can help with that without going all the way," Virgil said, blushing slightly, "and if not, I'll still get you bathed." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's been so long since the last time we did anything, are you sure? There were feelings involved. I don't want to make you uncomfortable like that." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus, I've been spooning you, naked, for over a week. I bathe with you. If I were uncomfortable I wouldn't have even offered." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You really have changed," Remus chuckled, "You aren't as jumpy and defensive." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's the medicine and therapy. I'm still a mean bastard who lives to get under people's skin and blast my music at odd hours of the night." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Still just as ruthless?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Only when the situation calls for it," he said with a smirk and sat next to Remus. He wrapped an arm around the duke and pulled him into a side hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm more like the emo you knew before. And I want to help bring my horny, vile, energetic Octopup back." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because I love him so much it hurts. His passion and vibrance bring a lot of light into my life and I kinda missed that light." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The bad twin." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Bad—like Michael Jackson's 'Bad,' yeah. But he's more like Shrek—he's got layers, he's green, and he's hot." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Layers?" Remus peeped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Everyone knows that whirlwind duke who gets loud and gross and creepy and lewd. There's the proud artist just below that, he's driven and always coming up with something new and exciting. Then there's the royal, he's particular about how he presents himself, his space, and how groomed he is. Spoiler alert: he always looks incredible. Then there's the pirate, a determined and ruthless dreamer who's a little bit gory and violent, but damn good in the sack." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You would know—I still have bite marks."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I still have a few scars too. You even named them—Leopold and Ramses are still there. But back on track, there's the child, a kid with basic needs and needs a lot of love. I know he doesn't get that love as much as he should but that's gonna change. And lastly there's the gothic romantic, the poet filled with doubt and sadness. He's the one most likely to wither away without some intervention. He's insecure and he hates himself, thinks he's the worst possible creature to exist. And I'm here to tell him that he's wrong." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But what if he's right? What if I shouldn't exist?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then I guess I like being able to hold a living myth with all his flaws and layers." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But what about—?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"They might not get to hold a living myth, but they get to have him around. The others have their own issues but no one is less than anyone else." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How did you get so therapist?" Remus asked and looked up at him innocently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Layers. I'm a mean scary emo, a fighter, a tease, an insecure mess of fear, and an emotionally intelligent softie. And it takes a lot of peeling to get that far. You're special, Remus." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're gonna make me cry." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There's only one way I want to make you cry, and they'd be tears of pleasure." Virgil purred and ran his free hand down Remus' chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I get a kiss? If that's not too much trouble," Remus breathed. He really wasn't up for more than that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"As many as you want, my prince." Virgil hummed and kissed his cheek. And then his nose. And then he carefully cupped Remus' cheek and brushed a stray lock of hair from his forehead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't let anyone ever tell you that you aren't amazing, even you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My god, you're a sap!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mm, but you're not complaining.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not kissing me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I stand corrected. A little anticipation is good, and I kinda like where I am right now," Virgil hummed softly and leaned in slowly, letting his eyes flutter shut, his warm breath tickling Remus' mustache. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus let his eyes close as his heart raced. The anticipation was killing him, everything around him was moving slower than tree sap. And then their lips met and melded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus parted his lips as an invitation. If Virgil wanted to deepen the kiss he could, Remus was far too weary to take the lead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you want this?" Virgil mumbled against his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I just want kisses. No bone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then you get as many kisses as you want and nothing you don't, except for the bath, you need that." Virgil said and kissed him again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. introverted extroverted melancholic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Virgil woke up in Remus' bed to the sound of the shower running and turning off. He became very aware that Remus was not cuddled up to him and that was a good thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Scare Bear look!" Remus cheered as he burst from his bathroom bare as the day he was born. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Holy shit! You showered!" Virgil gasped with a small smile creeping on his face. Remus beamed and nodded rapidly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did it myself!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You did great, Pup," Virgil hummed and sat up, "Think you can put on some pants?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have a dress," Remus countered sheepishly, "Does that work?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Depends on the dress. If it's the Elizabethian one with the corset and collar, maybe you should go with something simpler." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's the Morticia style dress. But I can go with the Renaissance one if you want." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I want you to be comfortable," Virgil said and got up, "So wear what you want as long as you wear something." He held his arms open and tilted his chin. Remus approached him and wrapped his arms around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're doing great, Skunkhead. You're doing so great," Virgil said softly and kissed his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can we go to the kitchen for breakfast?" Remus mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. Do you want to walk there or sink out?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Walk. I'm not ready to sink out without summoning." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Let me shower and then we'll go," Virgil hummed, "And if you can, text Roman. He's on breakfast duty today. Let him know we're coming." Remus smiled meekly and nodded. He could text his brother. And he would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Remus held Virgil's hand as they headed to the kitchen. He was happy, even though his deeper feelings were a torrent in the back of his mind. He didn't want to dwell on them, not with Virgil being so patient and proud of him, and certainly not when he was doing better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good morning!" Roman sang as the pair entered the room and sat down. He was able to spare a glance at them before going back to work on the French toast, eggs and sausage he was making. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You look lovely today, Remus. I didn't know you had a dress so simple yet so elegant!" Roman praised and flipped the French toast. Remus grinned and wiggled in his seat. The Renaissance dress was comfy and it really did look good on him. The bright green ribbon on the front and the square neckline highlighted his torso and the flowing black skirt gave him an air of mystery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You showed up sooner than expected," Roman hummed, thrilled to see the wiggles returning slowly, even if they stopped as quickly as they started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm hungry," Remus shrugged, "I wanna eat."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You do need something more substantial than ass—" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Roman!" Virgil hissed, shutting him up. Remus pouted. So his libido was in the toilet, he knew it and he hated it. No matter how far along he was, it was obvious he wasn't all there and it stung.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh I, uh—I'm sorry Remus. I shouldn't have made that joke. It was insensitive of me." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay. I can't have dessert until I eat my breakfast!" Remus giggled weakly. Virgil tried not to pout at that response, Roman managed to succeed at keeping his cool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are absolutely right, though I doubt that you'll have much room left after you've had my Crofters-stuffed French toast! No one can resist it's sweet center and golden crust!" Roman declared and made two plates up for the pair at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, Princey," Virgil said as Roman set down both plates, "but uh, you sure it's a good idea to mention the kind of jam?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's fine, Logan is—preoccupied and Pat had some earlier." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Preoccupied?" Remus squeaked and shoved a forkful of egg in his mouth. Roman winced and put two more plates together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Janus is convincing him to adjust the schedule." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oof!" both Virgil and Remus recoiled at the same time. Knowing those two, their tempers would flare up and there would be carnage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That would be a complete understatement. You should have seen him when he asked me to make sure you both ate." Roman shivered and sat down, leaving a plate at the seat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Irene Adler is gonna strike," Remus mused and giggled. That was the most beautiful sound they would hear that morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't suppose you would let me use that one, it's brilliant," Roman asked, and tried to avoid watching Virgil eat. He never took time to savor anything and frankly, it was just gross to witness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, but it's one of my special names for him, and I don't want to share—" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then I shall respect that. No need to explain," Roman shrugged and noticed that Remus had stopped eating after he finished his eggs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Have you had enough already?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hm?" Remus hummed softly and looked up at him. His hands were trembling and no matter how much he wanted to, the French toast and sausage were too daunting. Anything that required two hands still made him shut down. Maybe he wasn't as good as he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is it cool if I cut that up for you?" Virgil asked, already suspecting the problem. Remus nodded sadly, letting Virgil take his plate. Roman cooed at the display.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh nothing, it's just so sweet what you're doing for Remus." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He shouldn't," Remus grumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" the prince and emo asked simultaneously, with the same concern lacing their voices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I should be able to cut my own food." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You came out of your room, and you fed yourself. You are improving, and as long as you don't give up, you'll get to a point where you're better and not getting there." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's right. I know I'm the last person to talk about being patient, but you kinda have to be with this. You already did so much today—you woke up first, you showered, you dressed yourself, and the stuff Princey said." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You did all that and now you're upset by an obstacle? You already did so much more than what you're used to! You're doing wonderfully," Roman scoffed, "I will not accept you tearing yourself down when you are leaps and bounds ahead from where you were just yesterday!" Remus was ready to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now try eating a little. If you need me to feed you I will," Virgil said and slid Remus' plate back where it belonged, all the food cut into bite sized pieces. Remus grabbed his fork and ate some of the French toast. It was really good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm so glad to see you here and eating!" Janus said when he appeared in his seat not a moment later. Remus smiled weakly and went for another bite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did the scheduling go?" Roman winced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I haven't had to show my fangs like that in quite a while. Needless to say I will need some back up." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What kind of backup?" Virgil asked suspiciously. Janus shrugged and rubbed his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You or Roman. Do you have a preference, Remus?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Scare Bear is good at getting past the nerd," Remus said between bites, "and I kinda wanna go to the imagination if I can." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think I can see to that," Roman hummed, "After breakfast."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. so i wrestle my demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was warm and sunny in the imagination, but not too warm or bright. Roman decided it was the perfect opportunity to get Remus on a horse and ride. Sure, Remus was just holding onto him while he steered his wonderful white mare, but Remus was smiling and that was worth any discomfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's nice to be back," Remus said and placed his chin on Roman's shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's nice to have you back," Roman responded as they neared Remus' castle. It was just as pristine as he left it save for a few new vines and a dog-shaped hole in the wall. As they got closer, Roman realized that hole was there and new. Oh no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus, dismount," Roman ordered cautiously, "It's not safe to be on Destiny right now." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?" Remus asked and slid off the horse anyway. Roman shrugged noncommittally and guided Destiny away from Remus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You'll see," Roman said and whistled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ground shook beneath Remus' feet and he could see a blur charging from the forest near the castle. It was a big black mass of fur and it brought a huge smile to Remus' face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Winary!" he cheered, with far more joy than he had in a long time. It was a glimpse of the old duke and that was worth the entire kingdom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three-headed hellhound pounced, her tail wagging like crazy, and knocked Remus in his back. The two heads on the sides, Sarah and Mary, covered his face with slimy puppy kisses while Winifred nuzzled under his chin and whined. He laughed and pet his dog with tears in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's my good girls?" he cooed, "You are!—I missed you too!" Roman dismounted and smiled at the sight. Winary decided to lay on top of Remus so he wouldn't leave again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ro, I can't feel my legs!" Remus laughed, "Help!" Roman smiled and shook his head. It had been far too long since he heard that crass laugh. As far as he was concerned, Winary could have him pinned for days before he intervened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think I can, not this time. She missed you so much, moving her might cost a limb!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's a good girl!" Remus cooed and hugged her around the torso—the heads got jealous easily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That she is! I had to put on a mustache to feed her. She's been keeping your castle safe and sound from the likes of me and anyone from my side. Except Millie." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, Millie is kinda like the King's creation so she can come and go as she pleases. And Winnie just loves her!" Remus responded, still under attack with love from his puppo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not as much as she loves you. I hope you don't plan on getting up soon." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nah! I'm cool with being crushed to death by my sweet little baby!" Remus giggled and cuddled his puppy closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Even if it means your bones shatter and I have to amputate both legs?" Roman teased, internally cringing at the suggestion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Remus sighed, in mostly good spirits. Roman cautiously neared him, surprised that Winary decided to sniff him and ignore him this time. He rested next to Remus and looked at the sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey Remus," he hummed, "Do you see that cloud up there?" He pointed to it, guiding Remus' eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It looks like Virgil's butt!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus snorted and shook his head. Roman was most certainly right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why Virgil's butt?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's the only one who wears tight enough pants to make that distinction," Roman shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You should see it without pants!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How do you think I got the mold for your chocolates?" Roman snorted, "He has quite the posterior, but it's a cake I don't plan on partaking in." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If he's down, you should," Remus hummed, "he's incredible." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's not exactly my type. I like a little bit more spontaneity and a little less brooding." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then you should give JJ a chance. At least as a friend." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why would I do that?" Roman frowned, "He'll just use me to get his way and throw me aside." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nah, he's been simping you for years, what he wants is to lift you up. It's part of his job and it's one of his favorite parts of it. I'm not saying you should declare your undying love and get hitched on a cloud that looks like a butt. But he is one of the best friends you can have. He might act like he's in it for himself but I can see through that. He cares even more than Patton." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Now I know you're exaggerating." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's been there for me since I started having these episodes and he's always been there, helping me and keeping my secret. Patton is like that one uncle who doesn't like being around the in-laws and can't wait to get home from the reunion. He's polite and nice enough, but he doesn't care about me." Remus stared at the sky, deep in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Remus," Roman said, not knowing what else to add, and trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's true. It doesn't bother me, not everyone is going to care or like me. But I don't want anyone to know about my breakdowns just so I can get a full pity treatment until I'm back to normal. There's a reason why you didn't hear about it before." Winifred whined and nuzzled his chin. He scratched her ear and sighed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think I would only care out of pity?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For a long time, yeah. But then you went and did some things to show me how much I mean to you and Thomas. Like big stuff. It was a good kind of shock. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Even just this is a little confusing." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know if I should apologize now or later for my inattention and how horrible I've been." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Later. Right now I'm just trying to stay afloat—Hey, that cloud looks like an octopus!" Remus said and pointed at the sky. Roman ruffled his hair and smiled at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. It does."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. it's an intangible sickness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <i>Patton might seem kinda unsympathetic in this chapter but I promise he's not going to be a bad guy</i>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janus and Virgil were in the common area, cooling off after trying to get the schedule fixed. They succeeded, but at a cost. Virgil was shaking and curled up on the couch.</p><p>"What if he finds out I was lying?" the emo whispered, his voice layered and still loud.</p><p>"He won't, Virgil." </p><p>"But what if he does? I worked so hard to gain his trust, all of their trust." </p><p>"Virgil," Janus said firmly and placed a hand on his knee, giving him the chance to move away or request he stop. Virgil stared at him with wide eyes. </p><p>"What if he finds out why I was lying? What would happen to Remus? What if I accidentally revealed that about him and he doesn't want me around anymore?" </p><p>"Considering how he's been clinging to you since this episode started and how he gets so excited or gentle when you come up in conversation, I would be surprised if he didn't want to be near you even if you accidentally let that detail slip. But you haven't." </p><p>"But I don't want to hurt him again and I don't want to lose what I have now. Jay, What if this backfires and then when I'm actually having a panic attack, no one believes me?" </p><p>"Virgil, you seem to be having one right now, I need you to breathe. It will all be okay. 3/4 time," Janus hummed and guided Virgil through his breathing exercises, both completely unaware of the side who stopped in the entryway and eavesdropped.</p><p>"Damn," Virgil laughed with a little less distortion and wiped his eyes, "I haven't had a breakdown like this in years." </p><p>"3/4 time, Virgil. Keep breathing. Remus won't be upset with you. You're doing wonderfully, and if you need to take some time for yourself, I'll take care of him," Jan said gently but with resolve. </p><p>Patton sank out in silence, unwilling to hear any more. Remus was scaring his kiddo and what was he doing about it? Nothing! And that wouldn't do! That filthy rotten duke was not going to hurt his shadowling and get away with it!</p><hr/><p>"Alright, let me know if you need anything. I will be at your beckon call," Roman said and tucked Remus in. The duke had a busy day and a nap before dinner would do wonders. </p><p>"Mhm, thanks Princey," Remus mumbled and snuggled into his pillow, "today was great." Roman ruffled his hair and sank out. Once he was sure he was alone, Remus opened his eyes and stared at the wall. </p><p>He had so much fun with Roman in the imagination, he got out of bed for breakfast, he showered and dressed himself. He should have been happy with himself, or content at least. But the void in his chest hadn't closed enough, and it was growing again. </p><p>He let out a long sigh and wished he had something or someone to cuddle bareback. He could summon Janus or Virgil, since they knew how to take care of him but they were busy and he didn't want to interrupt. He didn't want Roman to cuddle with him, even with clothing, after such a fun day, it would make him feel worse if it looked like all that effort Ro put in went to waste. He was set to give up and hug his pillow instead. </p><p>"Remus Duke Sanders!" Patton shouted outside his door and knocked firmly, "Open this door right now!" Remus whined and buried his face in his pillow. Whatever Patton wanted could wait. </p><p>"Remus if you don't open this door by the time I count to three—" Remus didn't listen to the rest of that sentence. He was so confused and had no idea why Patton was there. He didn't want him there, in his personal bubble, especially not like this. He was terrified.</p><p>"One. Two—"</p><p>"Scare Bear!" </p><p>"Three." Patton flung the door open and saw Virgil hovering over Remus' bed, fretting over a lump of blankets. </p><p>"Pup? What's wrong?" Virgil asked and sat down next to Remus. The next thing he knew, Remus was clinging to his waist and sobbing. </p><p>"Uh," Patton gawked, catching Virgil's attention. He had never seen such an icy glare from the emo, much less directed at him. It was not what he expected at all.</p><p>"Get. Out." he growled with a slight echo in his voice, a remnant from his panic. Patton held up his hands and inched back. </p><p>"What's going—?" </p><p>"NOW!" Virgil roared with his tempest tongue taking over his voice completely. Patton squeaked and sank out immediately. </p><p>"He's gone, Puppy. It's alright," Virgil said and coaxed the duke into his lap. </p><p>"He's just gonna yell at me and I don't know if I can handle it. I'm not ready for that. He's gonna yell at me for something I don't think I did and I'm gonna feel worse than ever!" Remus cried and clung to him. </p><p>"He's not gonna yell at you. I'm not gonna tell him about your bipolar but I'm going to talk to him once you're calm. It's gonna be okay, Octopup." </p><p>"No it's not! I had fun with Ro and then I came back and the icky came back!" </p><p>"Remus, recovery is not like climbing a mountain. You know it's a lot like walking on a hilly road, there are ups and downs and the goal is to get to a flat part." </p><p>"Why the hell do I have to feel like this?! Why can't anyone else feel this terrible!? I'm alone Virge! I'm alone and fucked in the head!" </p><p>"You're not alone, Remus. You've got a mental illness, and this will pass. I've got mental health problems too, and I get that my depression and anxiety aren't as severe, but it's still something. I understand that bad days happen and that they're not always your fault or mine. I understand that feeling of being stuck inside your head while the world races by and you can't keep up. I understand that and I'll do whatever I can to help you make it to that flat part of the path." </p><p>Remus pouted and snuggled closer to him, smearing his tears on his shirt. He could tell something wasn't right with Virgil. His tone was off, his eyes were red, and he was trembling. </p><p>"Did I call you at a bad time?" </p><p>"No, you didn't summon me at a bad time, Pup," Virgil said and ran his fingers through Remus' hair, "I just had a dip of my own but I'm okay now. Not completely better, but okay." </p><p>"Do you want to take a nap? I wanna cuddle before you handle Patton," Remus said and gazed up at him with innocent eyes. Virgil let out a breath through his nose and pressed his tongue into his cheek, fighting an embarrassed smile.</p><p>"If we're both naked, you're going to be the big spoon, unless you don't mind the boner." </p><p>"What boner?" </p><p>"The stress boner that definitely won't go away if you're pressed up against it. I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to but it's gonna be there," Virgil explained, averting his gaze. Remus actually looked at his pants for the first time since he showed up and winced. Virgil was really stressed. A nap would do a lot of good. </p><p>"I don't mind it as long as you stay until I wake up." </p><p>"I'll let Janus know to cover for me," Virgil said and pulled out his phone. He quickly sent Jay a message and snapped his fingers. His clothes were neatly arranged in the corner. </p><p>"Scoot over, Pup," he said and got cozy under the covers. Remus hummed softly as Virge pulled him into his chest and pressed a kiss to his jaw. </p><p>"Thank you, Scare Bear. You're doing a lot."</p><p>"If it means I get to have you feeling like you again, I'd do almost anything." </p><p>"Anything?" </p><p>"Almost. The hell if anyone else finds out that I have both sets of parts naturally because of the spider DNA." </p><p>"Male spiders are wimps, you gotta be big and tough!" Remus mused and snuggled closer, "But the squishy soft you is good."</p><p>"I'm squishy?" Virgil snickered and kissed his neck. </p><p>"You'd be squishier with boobs, but yeah, on the inside," Remus said and yawned.</p><p>"If you want those you're going to have to ask nicely," Virgil jeered and nuzzled his shoulder, "But for now, naptime." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Time for a really really dumb headcanon: Virgil's a spider, and usually the female spiders are bigger, stronger, and live longer. Human amab and spider afab, an unrealistic intersex scenario because this is fiction dammit. Plus the sides can shapeshift so why not? He's an intersex non binary man spider.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Oh no</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Virgil got pulled away suddenly and didn't return, Janus decided that it was a good time to check in with Roman, just to see how his day was and how Remus was doing. Luckily the prince came to him, looking for answers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Janus," Roman greeted him as he walked into the common room. Janus looked up at him from his seat and nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you have a minute?" he hesitated and fiddled with his sleeves. Janus tapped the seat next to him and offered a half smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For you I have several," Janus replied coolly, "What seems to be troubling you, Roman?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a—" Roman sighed and sat down, shaking his head, "I don't know how to say it, Remus and I had a lovely time in the imagination, watching the clouds, riding around on horseback, chatting." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I see, and I take it he said something that you found concerning?" Janus asked and turned towards the slumped prince. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He said two concerning things. The first was that he didn't expect me to show any genuine concern for him," Roman said, not looking at Janus, "That anything I do would be out of pity. He's my brother, Janus, why would he suspect pity over sibling responsibility? Neither one is accurate, I love him and I hate that he's hurting."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Roman, in the past you haven't been the best brother, which is something that you are working on. Consider this: When is the last time he came to you for help? When was the last time he played the brother card?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not since we were fourteen," Roman wilted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sixteen years ago. Your familial bond might seem too weak for Remus to consider it. What can you do now besides bemoan the situation? It's not too late to strengthen that bond," Janus said and placed a hand on his knee. Roman looked at him with weary eyes. He only saw understanding and support in that scaly expression. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Perhaps not," Roman said, "The other thing was thought-provoking—it was about you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me?" Janus asked warily and pulled his hand back. There was some level of fear in his eyes and it hurt Roman to see it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He told me that you were one of the most caring, loyal people he's ever known, and that you have always been supporting me and lifting me up." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's my job to lift the ego, Roman." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, but he said it was your favorite part of it. And I realize now that I have been even more horrible to you than I thought. I'm sorry for judging you and villainizing you when you've been on my side the whole time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Apology accepted," Janus smiled softly at him and blinked back any tears. It was a step in the right direction. A beautiful moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course it wouldn't last....</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Roman!" Patton shouted and ran into the common area, stopping in front of the couch out of breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What is it, Padre?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Something's wrong with Virge! Remus—he—!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus!? Is he hurt?" Roman yelped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? No he's not hurt, he's got Virge hypnotized or something!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus can't hypnotize anyone, Pat." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm the only one who can, and it's a rather strenuous task, I might add," Janus added with a little bit more ice in his voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Walk me through what happened," Roman said. Patton caught his breath and nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I overheard you,"–he pointed to Janus–"and Virge talking while he was panicking, that he didn't want to upset Remus. I thought Remus was going to hurt him so I went to his room—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You WHAT!?" Janus snapped, baring his fangs and making Patton wince. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I went to his room to confront him. No one hurts my boys and gets away with it! I gave him until the count of three to let me in and when I opened the door Virgil was there on the bed, glaring at me and he told me to get out using that special voice of his." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Patton, Remus and Virgil are together, and they're the most adorably disgusting pair I've had the chance to witness," Roman sighed. Janus checked his phone instead of pointing out the lie. Virgil confirmed Patton's story and asked for cover. They could handle it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But what if he's hurting—?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Patton, he's not. You sound like Virgil right now. Honestly, it's unfair to assume that Remus would be the one hurting him and not the other way around when they're both capable. He might be everything I'm not, but I assure you that he's the kind twin," Roman said firmly, defending his brother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But—" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Remus isn't always the ball of energy you know. We're twins, Pat, I know that he has quiet days, slow days, bad days, and good days. He's sick, Patton, as in ailing, and he wants Virgil's help." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's sick? Then why didn't anyone tell me? I have the best bedside manner!"  Patton whined. Janus fought the urge to call bullshit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He doesn't need any sugar-coated pity," he said instead, "Personally I would love to give you more details so you could help as well, but they're not mine to share."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But—But—Roman?" Patton stammered and looked to the prince rather than Janus. He was siding with Janus. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pat, please understand that we aren't at liberty to tell you about him. And with the way you see him and talk about him, is it any wonder why Remus doesn't want your help?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patton's jaw tensed and he sank out without another word. Roman knew that face, guilt. The realization and subsequent self-beration that followed it would tear Patton apart for a while. He wouldn't be much of a problem. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can repress the memory if need be," Janus said, "hopefully I won't have to." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you're doing it for Remus, I won't stop you."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. i hide it and fall apart in private</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus woke up from his nap, pressed against a warm body with four extra fuzzy limbs encompassing him. Virgil was hugging him close with his human arms too, and nuzzling his shoulder. </p><p>"Raggedy Anx?" Remus grumbled. He was pleasantly surprised when Virge kissed his neck and grumbled into his shoulder. </p><p>"Not now, I'm cuddling a Cuddlefish," he groaned and held Remus closer. </p><p>"I need to pee," Remus responded with some amusement in his voice. Virgil let go of him and sighed,</p><p>"Better in the bathroom than the bed." </p><p>Remus hummed in agreement and got up. Once he was gone, Virgil wilted. He was not looking forward to dealing with Patton, or reading through the texts from Janus. The texts would be first.</p><p>He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and read through them. He paled with each new text. So Patton thought Remus was sick and wanted to help, shocking, really. But he was clearly hurt when they told him Remus doesn't want his help. Proceed with caution. </p><p>"Scare Bear," Remus said when he returned from his pee break, and pouted at his expression, "What's wrong?" </p><p>"Patton. He thinks you're sick, like the flu kind of sick. He wants to help but they said no you don't want his help and he's feeling guilty. I want to know why he decided to come here in the first place so Jay can't wipe his memory just yet. So I have to navigate that." </p><p>"Guilty?"</p><p>"Apparently Jay was on edge. He said you aren't looking for pity. And then Roman pointed out the way he sees you and asked if it was surprising that you don't want his help. Bad move Princey." </p><p>"Scare Bear," Remus sighed, "If he's really broken up and willing to change, bring him here. I'll tell him the whole thing." </p><p>"Are you sure you want to do that?" </p><p>"If things go bad, Jay can wipe that memory too. I don't want him to do more for me than he already has. He's done so much." </p><p>"If you're sure." </p><p>"I'm positive, if it saves Jay some trouble, I'll deal." Remus said. He was pleasantly surprised when Virgil got up and hugged him. </p><p>"I'll make this right for you. I promise." </p><p>"If you don't, you better come back for more cuddles anyway." </p><p>Virgil reluctantly let go and nodded. He magicked his clothes on and sank out. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He appeared in Patton's room, although it felt off. Not warm and fuzzy. That was easy to explain away. Patton was sitting on his bed with an empty box of tissues next to him. His eyes were blood-shot and his face was splotchy. </p><p>"Pat?" Virgil said, causing the emotional side to spaz and toss the box aside. </p><p>"Virgil, what are you doing here?" he asked with a forced smile. Virgil sighed and wandered up to his bed. </p><p>"We need to talk about what happened," he sighed and sat down, "No masks." Patton wilted and shook his head. </p><p>"I overheard you and Janus when you were having a panic attack. I didn't think things through, I thought Remus was hurting you and I got so angry. No one hurts my boy." </p><p>"You assumed." </p><p>"I guess I made an ass out of you and me," Patton said bitterly, "I let my feelings take control and I did more harm than good. I should have asked what was happening and I shouldn't have been so quick to judge. I'm supposed to be Thomas' emotions, if I can't keep mine in check, how am I going to manage his?" </p><p>"That's both of our jobs, Pat. And everyone is allowed to have a slip up or a few." </p><p>"I know, but without all the facts I harassed Remus when he's sick and I feel horrible about that, and horrible for assuming the worst about him. He's your boyfriend and I know you don't let anyone in easily. I might as well have thrown away my trust in you," Patton sighed and brought his knees to his chest. Virgil fought back a blush and shook his head. He would kill Roman and Janus later. </p><p>"You made a mistake, you had your heart in the right place, but not your head. Now that you're thinking a little more clearly, you can figure out a way to set things right, like you always try to do." </p><p>"I want to apologize to him, and I want to help him feel better to whatever extent he'll let me. I know I made a huge mess with him so I don't expect much." </p><p>"Are you willing to give him a chance?" </p><p>"He's dating my son! Of course I am."</p><p>"I'm not your son." </p><p>"Fine, he's dating my best friend who I just so happen to care about on a higher level than just friends but not on a level of a squish." </p><p>"Wanna go apologize now? He's willing to hear you out." </p><p>"Yes."</p><hr/><p>Remus was cozy under the covers, yearning for some physical contact and his Scare Bear. Scare Bears were the best for cuddles. He wasn't exactly content but he wasn't completely miserable.</p><p>"Remus?" Patton said from the other side of the door and knocked twice, "Can I come in? I just want to talk, and I won't barge in like before." </p><p>"Come in," he said just loud enough. Virgil appeared next to him and the door opened slowly. </p><p>"Hey there, kiddo," Patton greeted the Duke awkwardly, "How are you feeling?" </p><p>"Dead." </p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry," Patton winced, "I wanted to apologize for earlier. I jumped to conclusions and made a real ass of myself. You don't deserve that kind of treatment." </p><p>"Apology accepted," Remus grunted as Virge gently stroked his hair. That felt nice. </p><p>"Is there anything I can do for you? Roman said you were sick, like in an illness way. He didn't give me any details but I still want to help." </p><p>"Why?" </p><p>"'Why?'" Patton asked, stunned, "Because no one hurts my boys and gets away with it. And even if we don't always get along you're part of Thomas, and you're one of my boys." </p><p>"I have bipolar disorder. I'm hurting me. Not intentionally but I don't want you to beat me up to protect me," Remus responded tiredly and wrapped his arms around Virgil's waist to nuzzle closer. </p><p>"You have it too?" Patton gasped and quickly covered his mouth with wide eyes. Virgil stared at him like he had three heads. </p><p>"Too?" he asked and stroked Remus' hair.</p><p>"I have Bipolar II, so no mania, but I get some horrible depression and some really really hyper moments. If I had known—oh my god, Remus, I am so sorry!" Patton answered and bit his lip, "It's horrible to go through it alone, and I've been making the depression worse!"</p><p>"I have my Scare Bear and Hister Myde. They're the bestest. I'm not alone." </p><p>"Are you?" Virgil asked, raising his eyebrows at the figment wringing his hands. </p><p>"You two are the first to know. I don't want to be a burden and Logan chalks up my bad days to emotional burnout and he takes care of me to the best of his abilities but he doesn't really know."</p><p>"You should hug a Scare Bear when you feel icky like me. He gives good hugs," Remus said and inched onto Virgil's lap. Virgil kissed his hair and wrapped his arms around him. </p><p>"You two are so cute," Patton sighed wistfully, "I'll give you some space, but call me if you need anything." </p><p>"Could you give hugs?" Remus asked, finally sparing him a glance, "I know I'm a little stinky and you don't trust me that much right now and we don't—" </p><p>"Of course!" Patton smiled and came up to the pair, "Anytime you need a hug, all you have to do is ask!" He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Remus, sandwiching him with Virgil. </p><p>"You mean it?" </p><p>"As long as you aren't covered in poop, free hugs from Papa Bear," Patton said and held him a little tighter. </p><p>"I can get hugs from a Scare Bear and a Care Bear!" Remus giggled, tearing up a little.</p><p>"Punshine Bear," Virgil snickered. </p><p>"That's right!" Patton chuckled, "And I promise you that I will be there whenever you need me, even if we don't always see eye to eye, I care about my boys, no matter how stinky." </p><p>"Thanks Patton," Remus said and hugged back. </p><p>"I'm gonna let you two have some space. I wanna see the snake and his charmer," Patton said and pulled away, "Your secret is safe with me." </p><p>He sank out, leaving a much lighter Remus to cling to Virgil again. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. i've gone in hibernation</h2></a>
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    <p>It was the middle of the night and Remus couldn't sleep. Virgil had to do his job as anxiety whether he liked it or not, and Remus needed human contact. He didn't want to bug Roman since he spent the day with him and the prince had so much to do. He didn't want to bother Janus but he didn't know who else to turn to. </p>
<p>Just as he mustered up the nerve to summon Janus, there was a knock on the door. He was surprised, no one but he and Virgil ever roamed the mind this late. </p>
<p>"Remus?" Patton said softly. After the emotional rollercoaster ride that happened earlier that day, Remus was just a little bit confused. Still, he could get a hug from Patton whenever he needed one, and he really needed one. </p>
<p>"Come in," Remus said and sat up. Pat could deal with his Jack Septiceye boxers. Patton seemed unbothered when he came in and raised the lights, keeping them dim. He was in a pair of pajama pants with little dogs on them and nothing else. But he was carrying a small tray with two mugs and two bowls with spoons. </p>
<p>"I'm surprised you're awake," Pat said and neared the bed, carefully watching his step, "but I was hoping you would be." </p>
<p>"I could say the same about you. What brings you to my rat's nest?" Remus asked and shifted to give Pat a place to sit. </p>
<p>"'Rat's nest?' Your room is so tidy! It's not a rat's nest!" Pat giggled and sat down carefully with his tray and sighed, "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get some cocoa and a snack. Then I thought you might be awake so I decided to make some for you and stop by. I understand if you don't want it or if you don't want me to stick around, but I thought it would be nice." </p>
<p>"Why couldn't you sleep?" Remus pressed, already getting irritated because it sounded like pity. </p>
<p>"I—I guess it's because of today. I just feel so horrible for acting like that. I should have better control over myself. I don't expect any sort of buddy-buddy stuff to happen, not tonight, but I don't want you to think that I hate you. So I thought I'd check in with a sort of peace offering." </p>
<p>"You feel guilty for that?" Remus pouted and took the green mug from the tray, "You shouldn't, I'm usually an upstart and I deserve it." </p>
<p>"You don't deserve anything like that. It was unjustified and toxic. You might be a little imp," Patton said firmly, "But you are a person with feelings and a life. And I will fight anyone who wants to disagree. No bad talking Remus like that." </p>
<p>"Hypocritical, much?" Remus scoffed.</p>
<p>"What? No? I might say that you're a wily imp with some nasty ideas, and you're a little scary and unpredictable, but I don't think you deserve to be treated badly, even if I tend to jump to conclusions," Patton said with all the earnesty and honesty he could muster. Remus averted his gaze and tried not to let it hurt.</p>
<p>"And now that I know you're dealing with something similar to me, I don't think I'll be making those jumps. The unknown is scary, and I think it's time I stopped being scared and get to know you better." </p>
<p>"What kind of cocoa is this?" Remus asked and tried not to tear up. </p>
<p>"It's spicy hot chocolate, made with almond milk. It's got a hell of a kick to it. I know Roman is lactose intolerant, so I figured since you're twins—" Patton explained as Remus took a sip. </p>
<p>"Fuck that's good!" he gasped and half-smiled, "Thanks Pat." Remus immediately chugged the rest of it, loving the way his tongue burned as the sweetness danced around the spice.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you like it!" the puffball beamed and sipped at his own, "The best part is, if you need to cry you can blame it on the peppers!" </p>
<p>"You need to cry?" Remus asked and set his empty mug on his nightstand. Patton winced and took a long sip.</p>
<p>"I mean it's kinda been a rough time for me. The ickiness is kinda getting to me. But I can keep going as long as I know my friends need me." </p>
<p>"Asking for help with this stuff before it gets bad might be a good idea. I know it's hard to put yourself in that position, but it's worth it. Scare Bear and Jay have always been there for me and I try to be there for them. It's give and take, not just give." </p>
<p>"I know, I just feel like I'm letting them down. And right now I'm letting you down because I want to help you feel better, but I'm just telling you my problems," Patton sighed and grabbed a bowl, popping the spoon in his mouth. Remus let out a soft laugh and took the other bowl.</p>
<p>"You aren't letting me down. You're opening up to me, trusting me with this, and maybe it's helping me feel less like a feral sewer rat taking up space and everyone's time." </p>
<p>"Really?" </p>
<p>"Yeah. And what is this stuff? It's good!"</p>
<p>"It's dirt—vegan pudding, oreos, and gummy worms. Glad you like it!" Patton replied. The two fell into silence and ate their snacks, one unsure of how to ask for some physical contact, the other unsure if he should be there at all. </p>
<p>Remus set his empty bowl aside and took Patton's. He was nervous but he was pretty sure that Patton would let him down easy. Virgil wasn't going to be able to get to him tonight—and he was okay with that, but he still needed contact. </p>
<p>"I can go if I'm making you uncomfortable," Patton said and shifted away. </p>
<p>"Can you stay, please? I kinda like having someone here," Remus said, "and I kinda wanna cuddle. I'll even put on pants." </p>
<p>"Cuddle?" Patton parroted and smiled softly, "I can do that. But I do need you to put on some pants or at least underwear." </p>
<p>Remus pulled his covers away from his legs and wiggled his toes, "Should I get pants?" </p>
<p>"No need, I like your boxers! Jack Septiceye is such a great guy!" Patton giggled and laid down next to him. He held his arm open for a hug and Remus curled up into him and hugged his waist. Patton pulled up the covers and hugged him back. </p>
<p>"Thanks for listening to me, Remus," Patton mumbled as sleep took over him. Remus hummed in response and drifted off in the warm embrace. </p>
<p>An hour later, Virgil came in. He saw the two of them and decided to take their dishes to the kitchen. He was happy to see them getting along. It was a step in the right direction.</p>
<p> </p>
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